In my experience, I’ve found that’s how some men prefer to operate until they decide they’ve ‘caught feelings’." "Very good casual sex is difficult to come across" says Alice, 24 "I think in hetero interactions there’s far too much pressure on women to be SUPER CASUAL COOL GALS who don’t require any kind of emotional intimacy or even respect (OR EVEN TOAST IN THE MORNING). Intentionally or otherwise, I think some people deploy the term 'casual sex' to mindfuck and gaslight, in all honestly (looking atchu, Lots Of Men!) I think possibly because we’re not sure whether we want to commit, it’s like a golden get-out-of-jail-free card, because you can end a sitch with someone without any kind of closure or explanation. Maybe we should use different terminology. "I’ve had experiences with men where at the time, I’ve thought of something as casual sex, but then with retrospect I see there was more emotional intimacy than I’d gauged at the time. Less so now I’m in the working world and living in London, as I don’t really like doing it via dating apps (I get scared I’ll be murdered by any male matches, lol!) My experience of casual sex is mostly with friends and acquaintances, especially in a university environment. "It’s fun to have sex, and there are so few people I fancy enough/feel compatible with to be in a relationship that I guess casual sex is where it’s at RN for me. " "There’s far too much pressure on women to be SUPER CASUAL COOL GALS", says Kate, 26 Doing anything remotely 'datey' and even messaging about things other than meeting up creates blurred lines. I would say meet up only to have sex and for nothing else. "I definitely went through a phase of wanting more, but all it took was a very clear 'What do you want? What are we?' conversation to get rid of any confusion. After that we kept it simple and would literally just go to each other’s houses, usually at "acceptable hookup times" like 11pm. ![]() We went out for food and drinks a few times at the beginning. "I recently had a casual sex/friends with benefits situation going on for 18 months. I feel you can be more free in terms of not being insecure about your body, and not being embarrassed about bringing up any kinks - compared to the early stages of a relationship where you feel pressure to want them to like you or don’t want to seem weird. "I enjoy being able to call someone up whenever I’m in the mood. I think they come when you haven't drawn the lines or if you're going on dates and shagging."Īshley Armitage / Refinery29 for Getty Images "Meet up only to have sex and for nothing else", says Emily, 21 "I don't really have any problems with the people I sleep with because I'm very clear about my boundaries. It's led to some very fun experiences and has allowed me to explore what I like and don't like, without the pressure of a relationship. ![]() I find myself hooking up with a few people every month, usually a regular casual sex thing, off Hinge, Tinder and Raya. "You've set the boundaries for why you're there, you're maybe going for a drink first but there's no pretence or confusion. So I think I've got into hooking up because it's so much less complicated. I ended up in loads of those and realised they made me really sad and act in quite a wild way. "London is a very hard place to find a proper relationship, and it's very easy to end up in a weird middle ground where you're hanging out loads in a relationshippy way but it will never go anywhere. How to have the best casual sex Savana Ogburn / Refinery29 for Getty Images "Casual hookups have allowed me to explore sex without the pressure of a relationship," says Tiffany, 30 ![]() It's a shame straight is the default, and my realisation came loads later and I missed out on lots of potential sexy time." This also means that I’ve only had hetero experiences of casual sex, because I didn’t realise I was into some ladies too until about two years into my relationship. I’ve now been in a relationship for six years and I'm very happy. "Sometimes you get men who get annoyed if you don’t want more, I’ve had that once or twice. And, he wasn’t put off in the morning when I was like, 'Please leave now I have things to do.' He always respected that I didn’t see it as more than that, and didn’t do the classic sexist thing of thinking that I must want more because I’m a woman. We only slept together once, but literally as much as we could in 24 hours. The best casual sex I ever had was with a guy I was relatively friendly with but not that close. I cannot stand when people think the only environment in which you can have good sex is in a relationship. I’m very proud of having been well 'slutty' in my life because it’s great. "Casual sex is just bloody wicked isn't it! I’m very all or nothing, so if I'm not in a relationship I’m having lots of hookups. Carol Yepes "You don't have to be in a relationship to have good sex", says Dani, 26
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